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Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Super Bowl XLIV Most-Watched Show Ever

With 106.5 million people tuning in, Sunday's Saints-Colts Super Bowl became the most-watched program in U.S. history, drawing 500,000 more viewers than the 1983 series finale of M*A*S*H. What do you think?
  • "Not only that, but the weight of the average viewer has increased by about 42 pounds since then."

    Claire Belew Brass Plater
  • "I tuned in mainly for the Tim Tebow ad. I'm still on the fence about whether he should have been aborted. I'll know better once he's drafted into the NFL and plays four or more seasons as a starter."

    Sascha Clamp Systems Analyst
  • "To keep its ratings high, maybe CBS just needs to play hit songs from the Who during most of its TV shows. Oh, wait."

    Pete Weymouth Frame Nailer

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