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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Superman Sells For $1.5 Million

A copy of the comic containing the first appearance of Superman, Action Comics #1, just sold at auction for $1.5 million. What do you think?

  • "Oh, no! Only a fiend as diabolical as Lex Luthor has that kind of money to spend on a comic book."

    Warren Egeness Clinical Director
  • "Boy, news like that makes me regret not saving my things from when I was younger. When I moved out, my mom threw away the $1.5 million I had under my bed."

    Noah Kubinski Maintenance Manager
  • "What's the point? That whole timeline was wiped out after the Crisis On Infinite Earths."

    Meredith Tunison Unemployed
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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