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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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'Supermoon' Biggest Of 2012

Saturday's full moon reached perigee, the closest the satellite gets to Earth in its orbit, making it appear fuller and brighter than at any other time this year. What do you think?

  • "Alas! Just when I desire a night as black as death, the dastardly moon illumines my way and lays bare my plan to thieve my neighbor’s pool float."

    Renée Lafleur Hydraulic Repairer
  • "Then there's little time! Prep the cannon!"

    Frank Bryant Systems Analyst
  • "Quit stalling, mack. How many of these 'I've Got Moon Fever' shirts do you want?"

    Sam Cristo T-Shirt Vendor
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