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'Supermoon' Biggest Of 2012

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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'Supermoon' Biggest Of 2012

Saturday's full moon reached perigee, the closest the satellite gets to Earth in its orbit, making it appear fuller and brighter than at any other time this year. What do you think?

  • "Alas! Just when I desire a night as black as death, the dastardly moon illumines my way and lays bare my plan to thieve my neighbor’s pool float."

    Renée Lafleur Hydraulic Repairer
  • "Then there's little time! Prep the cannon!"

    Frank Bryant Systems Analyst
  • "Quit stalling, mack. How many of these 'I've Got Moon Fever' shirts do you want?"

    Sam Cristo T-Shirt Vendor

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