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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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'Supermoon' Biggest Of 2012

Saturday's full moon reached perigee, the closest the satellite gets to Earth in its orbit, making it appear fuller and brighter than at any other time this year. What do you think?

  • "Alas! Just when I desire a night as black as death, the dastardly moon illumines my way and lays bare my plan to thieve my neighbor’s pool float."

    Renée Lafleur Hydraulic Repairer
  • "Then there's little time! Prep the cannon!"

    Frank Bryant Systems Analyst
  • "Quit stalling, mack. How many of these 'I've Got Moon Fever' shirts do you want?"

    Sam Cristo T-Shirt Vendor

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