Superstorm Sandy Kills 38

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Superstorm Sandy Kills 38

Though downgraded to a post-tropical cyclone, Sandy has left 38 U.S. residents dead, cut electricity to 8.2 million, flooded large swaths of the Eastern Seaboard, and prompted President Obama to declare a “major disaster” in New York and New Jersey. What do you think?

  • “Fortunately, I’ve had uninterrupted access to all the usual social media platforms I complain on.”

    Sophie Bickford
    Unemployed
  • “Good thing Obama ordered that mass shipment of federal towels so we can finally start drying everything off.”

    Stephen Shamberg
    Lumber Tallier
  • “Is this something we’re going to have to never forget? Because my memory is close to full on those things.”

    Roger Comfort
    Caddie