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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Supply Of College Graduates Outstripped By Workforce Demand

Though the number of people graduating from college in the United States every year is increasing, it is still not enough to keep pace with employer demand. What do you think?

  • "It's not going to be easy to raise college graduation rates, but I know our nation has what it takes to systematically and drastically lower academic standards to achieve this goal."

    Ashley Pope Audit Clerk
  • "That's right. If there's one thing we can all agree is wrong with our country right now, it's all the vacant jobs."

    Brent Gorman Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, no. So you're saying the future is going to have even more stuffy little shit coworkers who won't shut up about their semesters in Peru?"

    Louis McGahan Bran Mixer

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