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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Supply Of College Graduates Outstripped By Workforce Demand

Though the number of people graduating from college in the United States every year is increasing, it is still not enough to keep pace with employer demand. What do you think?

  • "It's not going to be easy to raise college graduation rates, but I know our nation has what it takes to systematically and drastically lower academic standards to achieve this goal."

    Ashley Pope Audit Clerk
  • "That's right. If there's one thing we can all agree is wrong with our country right now, it's all the vacant jobs."

    Brent Gorman Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, no. So you're saying the future is going to have even more stuffy little shit coworkers who won't shut up about their semesters in Peru?"

    Louis McGahan Bran Mixer

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