adBlockCheck

Supreme Court Blocks Arizona Voter ID Law

Top Headlines

Recent News

Report: Someone Needs To Get Chips And Dip Away From Area Man

EDISON, NJ—Repeatedly emphasizing that the ruffled potato chips and accompanying French onion dip were just too good, a report released Thursday confirmed that someone needs to get them away from local partygoer Ian Ashcraft before he eats the whole thing.

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Surprises

Supreme Court Blocks Arizona Voter ID Law

The Supreme Court struck down a controversial Arizona law yesterday that required residents to provide proof of U.S. citizenship in order to register to vote, noting that the rule had kept thousands of citizens off voter rolls because they lacked passports or drivers licenses. What do you think?

  • “Why on earth would Arizona enact a law like that? Don’t they want everyone to vote?”

    Seth Folsey
    Unemployed
  • “But providing proof of citizenship was what set me apart. That was my whole thing.”

    Rhonda Klopper
    Key Cutter
  • “I don’t care if you’re a citizen or not. If you can’t drive, you shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”

    Josh Ruscio
    Airplane Coverer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close