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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Supreme Court Hears Affirmative Action Case

The U.S. Supreme Court heard oral arguments yesterday in Fisher v. The University of Texas, a case in which 22-year-old Abigail Fisher claimed she had been unfairly denied admission to the school because she was white. What do you think?

  • “This is a terrible policy. Because of it, campuses across the country are missing out on the rich and vibrant culture that whites bring.”

    Lloyd Allman Unemployed
  • “This generation is never going to learn anything about real hardship if it’s allowed to just take all its problems to the Supreme Court.”

    Maurice Fazakas Baking Powder Mixer
  • “I’m glad white people have finally been able to use the courts to their advantage.”

    Janice Krzanowski Machine Desulfurizer
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