Supreme Court Hears Affirmative Action Case

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Vol 48 Issue 41

Taylor Harris

Leukemia sufferer Taylor Harris passed away Sunday afternoon, mere seconds after the Minnesota Vikings and the Make-A-Wish Foundation fulfilled the 9-year-old’s dream of fielding an NFL kickoff.

Secretary Of Interior Decks Smart-Ass Buffalo

LIMON, CO—Saying the 1,800-pound bovine had it coming, Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar decked a wise-ass bison during his recent visit to the Prairie Ridge Buffalo Farm, sources confirmed Saturday. The prick buffalo reportedly exhibited a shit...

Defense Secretary Warns Of Cyber Terrorism

Warning that Internet worms and malware could devastate the U.S. power grid, transportation network, and financial system, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta urged the nation to invest heavily in cyber security to avoid an “electronic Pearl Harbor....

Outfit Just Screams 'Police Officer'

Mr. Autumn Man walks down the street with a cup of coffee, wearing sweater over a plaid collared shirt, the seed of World War III is planted in a Beijing Middle School gym class, and the nation did not see Mark Wahlberg's sex change coming.
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Supreme Court Hears Affirmative Action Case

The U.S. Supreme Court heard oral arguments yesterday in Fisher v. The University of Texas, a case in which 22-year-old Abigail Fisher claimed she had been unfairly denied admission to the school because she was white. What do you think?

  • “This is a terrible policy. Because of it, campuses across the country are missing out on the rich and vibrant culture that whites bring.”

    Lloyd Allman
    Unemployed
  • “This generation is never going to learn anything about real hardship if it’s allowed to just take all its problems to the Supreme Court.”

    Maurice Fazakas
    Baking Powder Mixer
  • “I’m glad white people have finally been able to use the courts to their advantage.”

    Janice Krzanowski
    Machine Desulfurizer
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