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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint

While vacationing in the Caribbean, Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer and his family were robbed of $1,000 by an intruder wielding a machete. What do you think?

  • "What was Justice Alito doing in the Caribbean with a machete?"

    Danielle Rogerson Systems Analyst
  • "As a mugging victim, I can sympathize, because it happened to me—except for the part about walking around with $1,000 in the tropics. Come to think of it, the bastard had it coming."

    Tyrone Poland Waiter
  • "That's why I always rob nobodies. Give me all your money."

    Dan Lehrer Thief
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