adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Supreme Court Justice Robbed At Knifepoint

While vacationing in the Caribbean, Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer and his family were robbed of $1,000 by an intruder wielding a machete. What do you think?

  • "What was Justice Alito doing in the Caribbean with a machete?"

    Danielle Rogerson Systems Analyst
  • "As a mugging victim, I can sympathize, because it happened to me—except for the part about walking around with $1,000 in the tropics. Come to think of it, the bastard had it coming."

    Tyrone Poland Waiter
  • "That's why I always rob nobodies. Give me all your money."

    Dan Lehrer Thief
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close