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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Supreme Court: Public Meetings Can Have Opening Prayer

The Supreme Court voted Monday to allow public meetings at all levels of government to begin with an opening prayer, a decision many have criticized as violating the First Amendment clause forbidding the government from favoring certain religions or favoring believers over non-believers. What do you think?

  • “Okay, but only Christian prayer. No need to go overboard.”

    Casey Helms Phone Line Inspector
  • “That’s fine. I’m sure beginning public meetings with a reminder that all who do not accept the blood of Christ are consigned to eternal damnation will not have a chilling effect on anyone who doesn’t share those beliefs.”

    Jennifer Keeling Private Investigator
  • “Whatever it takes to pack in those crowds.”

    Bill Waterstone Cutlery Sharpener

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