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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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Supreme Court: Public Meetings Can Have Opening Prayer

The Supreme Court voted Monday to allow public meetings at all levels of government to begin with an opening prayer, a decision many have criticized as violating the First Amendment clause forbidding the government from favoring certain religions or favoring believers over non-believers. What do you think?

  • “Okay, but only Christian prayer. No need to go overboard.”

    Casey Helms Phone Line Inspector
  • “That’s fine. I’m sure beginning public meetings with a reminder that all who do not accept the blood of Christ are consigned to eternal damnation will not have a chilling effect on anyone who doesn’t share those beliefs.”

    Jennifer Keeling Private Investigator
  • “Whatever it takes to pack in those crowds.”

    Bill Waterstone Cutlery Sharpener
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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

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