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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Survey Finds 1 In 4 Adults Anti-Semitic

According to a new study commissioned by the Anti-Defamation League that surveyed more than 53,000 people worldwide, 1 in 4 adults across the globe are “deeply infected with anti-Semitic attitudes.” What do you think?

  • “Well, sure, people are going to tell you they’re deeply anti-Semitic if you ask them about it.”

    Morgan Doherty Camp Counselor
  • “This must come as a huge shock to the Jewish people.”

    Heather Bertrang Bike Rental Manager
  • “All I know is that I’m feeling a little excluded since I wasn’t one of the 53,000 included in the survey.”

    Richard Purham Systems Analyst

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