adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.
End Of Section
  • More News

Survey: Rich People More Likely To Disapprove Of ‘Participation Trophies’

According to data gathered by libertarian magazine Reason, wealthy people are much more likely than poorer people to disapprove of “participation trophies” for kids, or awards given out to all children regardless of whether they are winners or losers. What do you think?

  • “If kids get trophies just for participating, how are they ever going to learn that the world is a perfect meritocracy?”

    Dan Waggoner Large Animal Dentist
  • “Participation trophies undermine the whole point of sports, which is teaching kids that their value is dependent on kicking a ball really far.”

    Vicki Altamose Concession Stand Leader
  • “I’m fine with participation trophies, as long as they are unmistakably shittier than the real ones.”

    Kevin Blankenship Systems Analyst

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close