adBlockCheck

Suspect Arrested In Etan Patz Case

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Suspect Arrested In Etan Patz Case

A suspect in the 1979 disappearance of 6-year-old Etan Patz, the first missing child to be put on a milk carton, was taken into custody. What do you think?

  • "I guess I can stop carrying that milk carton around now."

    Peter Beymer Tool Planner
  • "After all those years of wondering whether they were cut out to be investigators, this must be a huge relief for the police."

    Rex Hellman Machinist Apprentice
  • "I've hoped and prayed for this day. Wait, sorry, wrong missing kid."

    Adrienne Cooley Retort Unloader

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close