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Swine Flu Epidemic Hits U.S.

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Disney Begins Uploading Obama’s Consciousness To Hall Of Presidents Robot

BAY LAKE, FL—In an effort to provide park visitors with the most true-to-life attraction possible, Walt Disney World officials announced Monday that computer technicians have begun uploading Barack Obama’s consciousness into his animatronic robot likeness at the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of Presidents exhibit.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users
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Swine Flu Epidemic Hits U.S.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano declared a public health emergency after a Mexican swine flu epidemic hit the United States. What do you think?
  • “I had a glass of orange juice this morning. I'll be fine.”

    Charlie Sarris Garage Door Hanger
  • “Can you get infected if you work in Mexico at a pig farm where all the pigs are infected and you take no health precautions? If so, I have made some terrible life decisions.”

    Heidi Crittenden Pig Farmer
  • "Let's see if I can recall what precautions I took during the last outbreak of swine flu back in 1976. Oh, yes, I bought some oregano from a guy at an Atlanta Rhythm Section concert and scorched my chest trying to iron on a 'Beaver Patrol' decal."

    Sam Smith Insulation Cutter

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