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Swine Flu Epidemic Hits U.S.

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Swine Flu Epidemic Hits U.S.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano declared a public health emergency after a Mexican swine flu epidemic hit the United States. What do you think?
  • “I had a glass of orange juice this morning. I'll be fine.”

    Charlie Sarris Garage Door Hanger
  • “Can you get infected if you work in Mexico at a pig farm where all the pigs are infected and you take no health precautions? If so, I have made some terrible life decisions.”

    Heidi Crittenden Pig Farmer
  • "Let's see if I can recall what precautions I took during the last outbreak of swine flu back in 1976. Oh, yes, I bought some oregano from a guy at an Atlanta Rhythm Section concert and scorched my chest trying to iron on a 'Beaver Patrol' decal."

    Sam Smith Insulation Cutter

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