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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Swine Flu Epidemic Hits U.S.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano declared a public health emergency after a Mexican swine flu epidemic hit the United States. What do you think?
  • “I had a glass of orange juice this morning. I'll be fine.”

    Charlie Sarris Garage Door Hanger
  • “Can you get infected if you work in Mexico at a pig farm where all the pigs are infected and you take no health precautions? If so, I have made some terrible life decisions.”

    Heidi Crittenden Pig Farmer
  • "Let's see if I can recall what precautions I took during the last outbreak of swine flu back in 1976. Oh, yes, I bought some oregano from a guy at an Atlanta Rhythm Section concert and scorched my chest trying to iron on a 'Beaver Patrol' decal."

    Sam Smith Insulation Cutter
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