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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Syria: Chemical Weapons Won't Be Used On Civilians

A spokesman for President Bashar al-Assad's government said it would never use its presumed stockpile of cyanide, sarin, and mustard gas against Syrian citizens amid the nation's ongoing uprising. What do you think?

  • “But that’s half the fun of chemical weapons.”

    Tim Muran Obstetrician
  • “And yet out of all of Obama’s many lofty promises to us, did he ever once vow not to murder or gas us to death? No, he did not.”

    Melissa Preville Systems Analyst
  • “Thank goodness. I hate when genocide is inhumane."

    Katharine Goldfein Fermentation Operator
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