Syria Says It Will Give Up Chemical Weapons

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Vol 49 Issue 37

Out That Innie!

Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT Cash and prizes are awarded to contestants who, through a combination of holding their breath and clenching really hard, are able to push their belly buttons out.

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Two Picks

Onion Sports’ NFL Week Two Picks OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week two games: Jets at Patriots OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Patriots — Expect Pat...
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Syria Says It Will Give Up Chemical Weapons

Accepting a plan put forth by Russia, the Syrian government has reportedly agreed to relinquish its stockpile of chemical weapons in an effort to avoid a military strike by the United States. What do you think?

  • “Hey, I spent a half hour last night reading up on this conflict, so it better not be over now.”

    David Rizik
    Barrel Liner
  • “I’m the same way. It’s like, get the chocolate out of the house, otherwise I’ll be too tempted to eat it.”

    Patty Benchley
    Irrigation Engineer
  • “Let’s strike now, when they least expect it!”

    Lee Pridemore
    Unemployed
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