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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Syria Says It Will Give Up Chemical Weapons

Accepting a plan put forth by Russia, the Syrian government has reportedly agreed to relinquish its stockpile of chemical weapons in an effort to avoid a military strike by the United States. What do you think?

  • “Hey, I spent a half hour last night reading up on this conflict, so it better not be over now.”

    David Rizik Barrel Liner
  • “I’m the same way. It’s like, get the chocolate out of the house, otherwise I’ll be too tempted to eat it.”

    Patty Benchley Irrigation Engineer
  • “Let’s strike now, when they least expect it!”

    Lee Pridemore Unemployed

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