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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Taco Bell To Begin Taking Smartphone Orders

Taco Bell announced its plan to launch a new mobile app allowing customers to order their food on their smartphones, which functions by using the phone’s GPS to determine how close the customer is to the pickup location. What do you think?

  • “Could I also share each order to my social networks? I think my followers deserve that.”

    Bob Mayall Grant Writer
  • “But part of the Taco Bell experience is waiting the three minutes for your food to be ready.”

    Jenny McKillop Bead Sorter
  • “Oh, I always know how far I am from a Taco Bell.”

    Don Kember Crane Operator

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