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Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

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‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.
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Talking Air Safety

Several recent high-profile plane crashes, including an Oct. 31 EgyptAir disaster that claimed 217 lives, have once again caused airline safety to come into question. What do you think?
  • "I feel we should all make airline safety a top priority, devoting as much attention to it as possible for two or three weeks after every major crash."

    Janice Hough Speech Pathologist
  • "Actually, air travel is still safer than driving, especially if you need to go to Europe or Asia."

    Robert Christopher Architect
  • "When I think of the people lost in this latest tragedy over the Atlantic, I can't help but ask: Why didn't they use their seat cushions as a flotation device? Why?"

    Marlon Tompkins Systems Analyst
  • "How's about they have some kind of spare plane on board in case anything happens to the regular plane?"

    Kenny Eccles Prep Cook
  • "I stopped flying on commercial jets when I discovered that there's something else that has wings: my imagination."

    Iris Fallon Nurse
  • "Sorry about that EgyptAir thing, but those planes take fuckin' hours to inspect, and, well, I got a social life, you know."

    Daniel Foti Airplane Mechanic

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