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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Talking Head Suing Florida Governor

Musician David Byrne is suing Florida governor and U.S. Senate candidate Charlie Crist for allegedly using the Talking Heads song "Road To Nowhere" in a campaign commercial without securing the proper clearances. What do you think?

  • "That's a bad move. Everybody knows that if you want to win in Florida it's Emilio Estefan all the way."

    Ray Wolff Security Consultant
  • "But I always do what the Talking Heads tells me. When I heard them in that Dial soap commercial, I ditched Ivory after years of loyalty!"

    Lydia Cheffins Bar Tender
  • "Sorry, I'm not too up on my Florida politics. Does Charlie Crist want to build an actual road to nowhere?"

    Allen Mattson Ton-Container Filler

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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