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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Talking Head Suing Florida Governor

Musician David Byrne is suing Florida governor and U.S. Senate candidate Charlie Crist for allegedly using the Talking Heads song "Road To Nowhere" in a campaign commercial without securing the proper clearances. What do you think?

  • "That's a bad move. Everybody knows that if you want to win in Florida it's Emilio Estefan all the way."

    Ray Wolff Security Consultant
  • "But I always do what the Talking Heads tells me. When I heard them in that Dial soap commercial, I ditched Ivory after years of loyalty!"

    Lydia Cheffins Bar Tender
  • "Sorry, I'm not too up on my Florida politics. Does Charlie Crist want to build an actual road to nowhere?"

    Allen Mattson Ton-Container Filler

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