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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Talking Tax Reform

Tax season was recently upon us once again, and with it came widespread calls for reform, including simpler forms and a more streamlined filing process. What do you think about making tax-filing less complicated?
  • "With e-filing, the government's seizure of nearly half my assets was quicker and easier than ever this year."

    Caroline Reece Waitress
  • "I agree that there is a major need for Rax reform. They routinely fail to maintain a well-stocked salad bar, and the waitstaff is quite rude."

    Ed Howard Systems Analyst
  • "Technically, I work for the U.S., but as an Indonesian shoe-factory worker, I'm lucky enough not to have to pay taxes."

    Ubit Batangpang Shoe-Factory Worker
  • "Taxes?"

    Gordon Biasucci Custodian
  • "For all the taxes I pay, I should at least be allowed to use the roads. What? Really? Hot damn!"

    Nelson Childs Chiropractor
  • "I pay almost 40 percent of my total income in taxes, but at least it pays for a top-notch educational system, responsible community policing and comprehensive health care. Of course, I'm Canadian."

    Liz Dryden Teacher

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