adBlockCheck

Politics

Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tattoo Youth

A number of parents' groups are currently lobbying Congress to pass legislation requiring minors to obtain parental consent before they can get a tattoo. What do you think?
  • "I would never let my daughter get a tattoo. I didn't spend 17 years washing and softening her supple skin only to have her mar it with some ink."

    Geoff Casterbaum Civil Engineer
  • "Dude, I was gonna get this totally radical tattoo that said, 'Satan Is Lord, All Hail The Prince Of Darkness,' just to let everyone know I'm not someone to fuck with. Too bad my mom said no."

    Steven Zylker Student
  • "My dad's such a hypocrite. He says I can't ever have a tattoo, even though he's got this cool nine-digit number on his forearm."

    Bobby Ohlmeyer Student
  • "A 15-year-old is old enough to buy cigarettes, but not old enough to get a tattoo? That's not right."

    Christine Potvin Systems Analyst
  • "When I was a baby, my mother took me to get my first tattoo. It's on my forehead, and it reads, 'Mommy's Little Mistake.'"

    Candice Brocklin Painter
  • "My mom said I could get a tattoo, as long as it said, 'Homosexuality Is Wrong.'"

    Ned Junker Karate Instructor

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close