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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Taxing Virtual Assets

A panel of scholars and government officials recently said that taxation of assets from online games such as World Of Warcraft is inevitable. What do you think?
  • "Joke's on them. As a Draenei Shaman, my assets are protected under the Nagrandian Church and are exempt from taxation. "

    Tim Petlier Marriage Counselor
  • "I better create a Sims accountant and set up a meeting with him immediately."

    Wendy Quinones Cafeteria Worker
  • "These taxes will really bolster America's virtual health-care system."

    Ralph Black Caretaker

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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