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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Teacher Wins ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Lawsuit

Texas educator Jennifer Pedroza was awarded $11.5 million in a lawsuit claiming that as an employee of Writer’s Coffee Shop, the original publisher of Fifty Shades Of Grey, Pedroza was defrauded of royalties from the erotic novel’s subsequent success. What do you think?

  • “I hate to see the close-knit erotica community wracked by this kind of scandal.”

    Jeff White Tome Duster
  • “Defrauding your business partner completely undermines the novel’s themes of empathy and generosity.”

    Marla Bowen Transit Critic
  • “Good for her. All of our teachers deserve to be making a comfortable living from royalty disputes.”

    Jonah Herrero Amateur Exonerator

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