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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.
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Teachers Misinform Students On Climate Change

A recent survey found that many teachers are inadvertently instilling climate change denial in students by suggesting global warming is equally the result of human activities and natural causes. What do you think?

  • “Well, now their colleges will have something useful to teach them.”

    Beau Rafferty Program Namer
  • “It’s so hard for teachers to know what’s right, what with the overwhelming abundance of scientists saying the exact same thing.”

    Adrian Baird Unemployed
  • “But surely our students are still being given a proper overview of the Treaty of Tordesillas?”

    Gladys Pullman Systems Analyst
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