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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Ted Cruz Gives 21-Hour Speech Against Obamacare

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), with the help of a few other conservative senators, spoke for over 21 hours on the floor of the Senate beginning yesterday afternoon as part of his effort to defund the Affordable Care Act. What do you think?

  • “What a brave, politically grandstanding man.”

    Toni-Ann Polis Table Setter
  • “How dare he cheapen the Senate with such theatrics?”

    Lionel Brauss Elastic Cutter
  • “He won me over at hour 15.”

    Barry Knell Systems Analyst

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