Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply

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Vol 48 Issue 40

Turkish Actor Thinks He's Cüneyt Fucking Arkin

ISTANBUL—The cast and crew of the Turkish film Arada confirmed this week that local actor Ahmet Demir, 28, is strutting around the set like he’s goddamned film superstar Cüneyt fucking Arkin or something.

Record Number Of Gay Characters On TV

A record 4.4 percent of all scripted TV characters on the five major networks are either gay, bisexual, or transgender this season, with a total of 111 LGBT characters across all channels, according to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, teen drinking and driving rates have decreased by more than half over the past 20 years, with 10.3 percent admitting to doing so in 2011, as compared with 22.3 percent in 1991. What do you think?

  • “Teens today are so lame. In my day, you weren’t considered cool unless you died in at least one drunk-driving accident.”

    Eloise Stefani
    Golf Range Attendant
  • “This statistic proves what I’ve been saying for a long time: The class of ’91 parties harder than all those fucking nerds.”

    James Gershman
    Joist Setter
  • “But they’re still texting naked pics of themselves, right? I just wanted to be sure.”

    Alvin Finn
    Systems Analyst
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