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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Teen Drinking And Driving Down Sharply

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, teen drinking and driving rates have decreased by more than half over the past 20 years, with 10.3 percent admitting to doing so in 2011, as compared with 22.3 percent in 1991. What do you think?

  • “Teens today are so lame. In my day, you weren’t considered cool unless you died in at least one drunk-driving accident.”

    Eloise Stefani Golf Range Attendant
  • “This statistic proves what I’ve been saying for a long time: The class of ’91 parties harder than all those fucking nerds.”

    James Gershman Joist Setter
  • “But they’re still texting naked pics of themselves, right? I just wanted to be sure.”

    Alvin Finn Systems Analyst
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