After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Teen-On-Homeless Violence Increases

A report issued by the National Coalition for the Homeless says there were more attacks against the homeless in 2006 than in the previous decade, many of them carried out by teenagers. What do you think?
  • "The problem is that teens these days just don't have the will to sit around smoking pot and watching TV like we did."

    Mike Schneider Rail Inspector
  • "Every generation has their thing. My father had the war in Korea, we had the war in Vietnam, and my kid has the war on poverty."

    Jeanne Treeger Legal Assistant
  • "But studies also show that joining an angry mob is a great way for teens to avoid getting caught up in a gang."

    Walter Hicks Nurse Practitioner

After Birth

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