adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
End Of Section
  • More News

Teen Sexting Not As Prevalent As Thought

A study published in the journal Pediatrics revealed that only one in 100 teens had sent nude or sexually explicit images via phone, as opposed to the previous estimate of one in five. What do you think?

  • "Is it okay if I pretend that statistic doesn't exist? You see, I'm a producer for a nationally televised morning news show."

    Karen Blanck Television Producer
  • "Makes sense. Most kids today are too fat to fit themselves into the frame."

    Dean Harris Systems Analyst
  • "I could've told you that. Man, my kids are never gonna get laid."

    Martin Hannah Mold Stripper

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close