Teen Smoking On The Rise

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Teen Smoking On The Rise

Despite the recent passage of numerous laws prohibiting tobacco manufacturers from marketing to minors, last week it was reported that teen smoking is on the rise in the U.S. What do you think?
  • "I don't understand why teen smoking is up. Haven't we made it clear to kids that smoking is a dangerous, forbidden thing meant for older people?"

    Gina Revering
    Systems Analyst
  • "I stopped smoking when I realized I could get one of those cool tracheotomy voice boxes without having cancer."

    Stu Colavito
    Mechanical Engineer
  • "If anyone should be smoking, it's kids. You never hear about them dying of lung cancer."

    Tony Fuller
    Bookstore Owner
  • "Perhaps Nancy Reagan could sit down and talk to these kids."

    Todd Pollack
  • "As a public educator, I'm at a loss to explain this. Do you think the hip posters, the 'totally rad' anti-smoking sock hops and Dobie The Don't Smoke Donkey are having some sort of negative effect?"

    Iris Diamondopoulis
  • "These statistics are misleading. The higher rate of teen smoking is merely a symptom of the higher rate of teen fucking."

    Zachary Roth