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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Teens Don't Tweet

A survey by Nielsen found that only 16 percent of Twitter users were under 25. What do you think?

  • "Isn't that the same percentage of teens who would respond to a Nielsen survey?"

    Theresa Siegfried Desk Clerk
  • "It's nice to know that my incisive musings and humorous takes on waiting in lines, reality TV, and my cat's behavior are reaching the mature and sophisticated audience they were intended for."

    Jody Phillips Systems Analyst
  • "That's because teens today are too busy sexting! I saw it on the news."

    Marshall Christensen Marketing Consultant
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