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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Teens Getting High Off Lip Balm In New ‘Beezin’ Trend

At least one local news station is reporting that teenagers are engaging in a new trend called “beezin,” which apparently involves applying Burt’s Bees lip balm to the eyelids to experience a tingling sensation from the peppermint oil. What do you think?

  • “I think it’s time we all sat our children down and told them that smoking weed is great and normal.”

    Cassidy Wilcox Revenue Agent
  • “If they can find something fun to do with lip balm, then more power to them.”

    Dick Galligan Pipefitter
  • “They wouldn’t have to resort to lip balm if Visine made an eye drop with some balls.”

    Donald Cates Insurance Collector
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