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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Teens Getting High Off Lip Balm In New ‘Beezin’ Trend

At least one local news station is reporting that teenagers are engaging in a new trend called “beezin,” which apparently involves applying Burt’s Bees lip balm to the eyelids to experience a tingling sensation from the peppermint oil. What do you think?

  • “I think it’s time we all sat our children down and told them that smoking weed is great and normal.”

    Cassidy Wilcox Revenue Agent
  • “If they can find something fun to do with lip balm, then more power to them.”

    Dick Galligan Pipefitter
  • “They wouldn’t have to resort to lip balm if Visine made an eye drop with some balls.”

    Donald Cates Insurance Collector
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