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Teens More Stressed Than Adults

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Teens More Stressed Than Adults

A new survey by the American Psychological Association found that teenagers feel more overwhelmed, depressed, and generally stressed out than adults, with 27 percent of teens reporting that they feel “extreme stress” versus 21 percent of adults. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, it must be hard to have all of your financial responsibilities taken care of and your whole life ahead of you.”

    Dylan Newman Ad Revenue Analyst
  • “Teens need to calm down and remember that it gets better for a tiny fraction of them.”

    Brett McCormack Weekly Circular Editor
  • “Yeah, suck it, teenagers!”

    Carrie Johnson File Clerk

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