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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Tenet's Resignation

CIA Director George Tenet resigned last week, claiming that the decision was "personal" and unconnected to recent controversies. What do you think?
  • "'Resign' is such an ugly word. Let's just agree to say that he was 'fired.'"

    Kristopher Williams Software Engineer
  • "I know how he feels. I resigned from Pizza Hut for personal reasons after I got caught with 10 pounds of frozen Italian sausage in my backpack."

    David Polster Clerk
  • "It's too bad he has to go, but if it'll prevent Sept. 11 from ever having happened, I'm all for it."

    Joseph Spagnolia Cleaner
  • "I guess now we just sit back and wait until Tenet commits suicide by shooting himself multiple times in the back of the head."

    Ilene Nash Jeweler
  • "It's no surprise Tenet resigned for personal reasons, considering the strain he was under overseeing the CIA, attending night classes, and raising six kids all by himself."

    James Morse Systems <br>Analyst
  • "He put in seven years, and for what? A brass plaque that's actually a camera, and a gold watch that kills people."

    Mary Myers Teacher Assistant

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