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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Tesla To Sell Cars In Malls

Electric car manufacturer Tesla Motors has begun opening shops in malls to sell its $100,000 vehicles. What do you think?

  • “This will be a huge hit with the ‘has $100,000 for an experimental luxury car but still shops in a middle-class retail setting’ demographic.”

    Brooke Lenz Utility Assembler
  • “Oh, no! I wish I'd known that; I just bought a Chevy Volt at an open air farmers market!”

    Adam Stavin Systems Analyst
  • “Are they hiring? After five years at Borders, I have a great deal of experience working in a retail environment people only enter to use the bathroom.”

    Calvin Ensign Permit Agent

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