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Texans Elect First Jewish Speaker

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Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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Texans Elect First Jewish Speaker

Joe Straus, a Republican from San Antonio who has been elected speaker of the Texas House of Representatives, is the first Jew to hold the position since Texas became a state. What do you think?
  • "Stupid, deceptively Christian-sounding surname. They should really list candidates' faiths on the ballot."

    Brady Roren Collections Manager
  • "And people say we aren't progressive! Why just the other—quick! Look down. Here comes a black man."

    Ian Posdal Office Assistant
  • "This is clear evidence that the dialectical nature of cultural politics eventually creates pathways for Jews to adapt to traditionally non-Semitic institutions. Y'all."

    Chloe Ballwahn Professor

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