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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Texas County Bans Some Outdoor Grills

In an effort to curtail wildfires in the drought-stricken area, Guadalupe County in Texas has banned outdoor fires, including barbecues without lids. What do you think?

  • "Can you still use a wildfire to cook your food if one is already burning?"

    Maggie Chin Systems Analyst
  • "I don't see how banning responsible business operators from using an open-pit barbecue is going to stop me from dumping cigarette butts into the brush."

    Leo Downe Golf-Range Attendant
  • "Real Texans don't use grills; they just keep roping a T-bone until the friction cooks it to about medium-rare."

    Al Bishop Remnant Sorter

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