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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Texas Executes 400th Convict

Last week, the state of Texas executed its 400th prisoner since 1976, when execution was ruled constitutional. What do you think?
  • "I commend Rick Perry for having the courage to protect his constituents. Well done, Governor, and please don't kill me."

    Jane Davidson Secretary
  • "I hope that once the prisoner was brought into the death chamber, the guards surprised him with confetti, balloons, and an oversized syringe."

    Craig Baker Systems Analyst
  • "I'm really conflicted about this. While I'm against the death penalty, I'm a huge sucker for milestones."

    Darren Pertwee Road Resurfacer

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