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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Texas Executes 500th Prisoner

Convicted murderer Kimberly McCarthy was put to death by lethal injection last night, marking the 500th execution by the state of Texas since the death penalty was reinstated there in 1982. What do you think?

  • “Now is the time for that executioner to ask for a raise.”

    Gary Archuleta Jockey
  • “If they’re counting pansy-ass lethal injections as executions, that 500 needs an asterisk.”

    R. J. Magruder Gyroscope Repairer
  • “She must have been so honored.”

    Janet Ralston Unemployed
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