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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Texas Executes 500th Prisoner

Convicted murderer Kimberly McCarthy was put to death by lethal injection last night, marking the 500th execution by the state of Texas since the death penalty was reinstated there in 1982. What do you think?

  • “Now is the time for that executioner to ask for a raise.”

    Gary Archuleta Jockey
  • “If they’re counting pansy-ass lethal injections as executions, that 500 needs an asterisk.”

    R. J. Magruder Gyroscope Repairer
  • “She must have been so honored.”

    Janet Ralston Unemployed
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