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Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
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Texas Immigration Bill Includes Domestic-Worker Loophole

The Texas Legislature is considering a bill that would imprison anyone who knowingly hires an illegal alien, except in cases where the employee is a maid, landscaper, or other household worker. What do you think?

  • "That bill is going to come down unfairly hard on undocumented doctors and police."

    Laura DeMarinis Systems Analyst
  • "That's good. Why should I be penalized just because my maid happens to like harvesting tomatoes?"

    Owen Ranaldo Sivil Engineer
  • "Just out of curiosity, how would this law apply to someone who runs a meatpacking operation out of their garage?"

    Nate Edson Unemployed

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