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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Texas Penguin Truck Accident

Last week, a truck carrying exotic fish, penguins, and an octopus overturned on a Texas highway, spilling its cargo. What do you think?
  • "My heart goes out to the grieving survivor, who must now march all the way back to Indianapolis to bear sad news and try to console the mother penguin."

    Jerry Archer Carpenter
  • "Man, we were just one nuclear-waste truck shy of a radioactive octopenguin."

    Randall Szlotsky Park Tour Guide
  • "Has anyone optioned it yet? It's the sequel to both Madagascar and Cars in one tragedy."

    Jan Shapiro Studio Executive
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