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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Texas UFO Identified

An object that streaked dramatically across the Texas sky earlier this week was identified by the FAA as a meteor, not, as many had speculated, debris from a satellite collision. What do you think?
  • "I saw that! I made a wish on it that I would be interviewed by a newspaper I'd never heard of!"

    Kim Richter Customer Service Representative
  • "Just in case, they should have teams across Texas yee-hawing and firing wildly into the air in around-the-clock shifts."

    Kelly Zeroth Accountant
  • "Yes. Meteor. Of course that is what it can be, please. My name? John...Smith. I live in Earth."

    John Smith Earth Human
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