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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Texas UFO Identified

An object that streaked dramatically across the Texas sky earlier this week was identified by the FAA as a meteor, not, as many had speculated, debris from a satellite collision. What do you think?
  • "I saw that! I made a wish on it that I would be interviewed by a newspaper I'd never heard of!"

    Kim Richter Customer Service Representative
  • "Just in case, they should have teams across Texas yee-hawing and firing wildly into the air in around-the-clock shifts."

    Kelly Zeroth Accountant
  • "Yes. Meteor. Of course that is what it can be, please. My name? John...Smith. I live in Earth."

    John Smith Earth Human

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