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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Texas UFO Identified

An object that streaked dramatically across the Texas sky earlier this week was identified by the FAA as a meteor, not, as many had speculated, debris from a satellite collision. What do you think?
  • "I saw that! I made a wish on it that I would be interviewed by a newspaper I'd never heard of!"

    Kim Richter Customer Service Representative
  • "Just in case, they should have teams across Texas yee-hawing and firing wildly into the air in around-the-clock shifts."

    Kelly Zeroth Accountant
  • "Yes. Meteor. Of course that is what it can be, please. My name? John...Smith. I live in Earth."

    John Smith Earth Human
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