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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Thanksgiving Today

While the rest of the world goes about its business, the United States will celebrate its traditional day of thanks today. What do you think?
  • "Stupid Thanksgiving. I wish I could go to work."

    Jason Woods Locksmith
  • "That reminds me: I have to put my ashtray/gravy boat in the dishwasher."

    Bill Foad Unemployed
  • "Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday next to National Give Your Mom a Candle Day. Wait, that's not a real holiday? I knew it, Mom!"

    Liz Munro Party Planner
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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