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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Thanksgiving Weekend Draws Record Number Of Shoppers

With many Black Friday sales beginning earlier this year—including several that started on Thanksgiving night—stores and online retailers together lured a record 247 million shoppers this weekend and took in more than $59 billion. What do you think?

  • “Shame on retailers for allowing us to behave like such animals.”

    Carol Zielinski Systems Analyst
  • “It’s nice to see our nation getting back into excessive consumer debt.”

    Adam Puranaphun Nutritionist
  • “As a budget-minded consumer who enjoys rubbing up against people, it was a great day all around.”

    Tom Yuan Luggage Repairer

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