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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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The 2000 Elections

In the wake of President Clinton's second inauguration, talk has already begun to turn toward the Presidential Election of 2000. What do you think of the '00 Vote?
  • "Who will lead the forces of Planet Earth in the coming Space Galaxy Wars of 2002? The answer is obvious: Lord Gore-Tron of the AstroForce!"

    Michael Offerman Electrician
  • "I don't know who'll win in 2000, but in this special classroom, we believe that everyone's a winner."

    Sandy Broward Teacher
  • "It's definitely not too early to start discussing the 2000 elections. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I have a lunch date in 22 months."

    Charles Tingley Systems Analyst
  • "We can talk and talk about who should be president, but I say we should just settle it with some kind of vote."

    Geoffrey Halloran Pilot
  • "Who's the governor of Arkansas right now? Because with the way the last two elections have gone, I think I see a trend."

    Sharon Jenner Orthopedic Surgeon
  • "Prophecy says that in 2000, a beast shall come forth from the sea and its countenance shall be foul as that of dragons and upon its brow shall be the name of blasphemy. I'm voting for that fuckin' bad boy."

    Ed Lefkowitz Graphic Designer

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