The 49 States Of America?

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Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

Is The Nation Ready For The Next Katrina?

Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
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The 49 States Of America?

A secession movement has been gaining traction in the state of Vermont. What do you think?
  • "I have to say, the thought of having a foreign country so close to American soil makes me very, very nervous."

    Livia Hawkins
    Systems Analyst
  • "There's only one way to stop this seditious maneuver, and that's for Subaru to refuse to sell Vermonters any more station wagons."

    Kurt Isaacs
    Apartment Maintenance
  • "Hey Vermont, remember what happened the last time someone seceded? The army marched through their states and burned everything to the ground. And the South wasn't high all the time."

    Walt Boelter
    Mailcarrier