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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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The Abortion Pill

Last week, the FDA approved the controversial French abortion pill RU-486, permitting non-surgical abortions in the U.S. for the first time and sparking protest from pro-life advocates. What do you think?
  • "Now, hold on there. Isn't there a line in The Bible specifically prohibiting safe, non-invasive, affordable medical procedures for women?"

    Patrick Klennert TV Repairman
  • "The Europeans have always been ahead of us culturally and philosophically. But we've finally caught up to them abortionally."

    Robert Ketcham Systems Analyst
  • "I just wish this pill had been available seven years ago. You hear that, Corey?"

    Liz Lathon Homemaker
  • "This abortion thing is getting out of control. Do you realize this planet is down to its last six billion people?"

    Ronald Lee Food Vendor
  • "This drug will only encourage young kids to get hooked on the pain and trauma of abortion."

    Audra Fusco Occupational Therapist
  • "If women can deal with unwanted pregnancies safely without it destroying their lives, how are they ever going to learn?"

    Nate Thurman Bank Manager
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