adBlockCheck

The Al-Qaeda Captives

Top Headlines

Recent News

360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Al-Qaeda Captives

U.S. leaders are divided over whether al-Qaeda detainees in Cuba should be classified as POWs and protected under Geneva Convention laws. What do you think?
  • "Goddammit, just when we finally get some prisoners, everybody wants us to be all nice to them."

    Roger Koss File Clerk
  • "I have to admit, it's funny the way those Marines had them bowing twice a day in the direction of Oscar Mayer world headquarters."

    Donald Matthews Architect
  • "This is a totally different situation. Those Geneva Convention laws were written back when we were fighting white people."

    Bruce Nowell Systems Analyst
  • "Geneva Convention, Schmeneva Convention. Refute that, if you possess the erudition."

    Marcus Moore Landscaper
  • "We need to rough up these al-Qaeda guys a little if we're ever going to get them to confess who the one true God is."

    Diana George Homemaker
  • "I don't think we should risk making martyrs of these men. Notice I said 'martyrs,' not 'quadriplegics.'"

    Danielle Lund Florist

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close