adBlockCheck

The Andrea Yates Trial

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Andrea Yates Trial

Andrea Yates, on trial for the drowning of her five children in the bathtub of their Houston home, has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity. What do you think?
  • "This poor woman lost five children. Hasn't she suffered enough?"

    Rhonda Rowe Homemaker
  • "This is just a sad case of someone letting their child-killing impulses get out of control."

    Bill Jackson Systems Analyst
  • "You know, a high percentage of child fatalities in the home occur in the bathtub. Who's to say the statistics didn't catch up to her all at once?"

    Maxwell Bosch Lawyer
  • "Yates killed not one, but five children? Wow, they certainly do do everything bigger in Texas."

    Bob Putnam File Clerk
  • "I can't shake the feeling that four or five years from now, we're in for the creepiest fucking Oprah guest ever."

    Denise Pflaum Nurse
  • "The jury should declare Andrea Yates guilty by reason of drowning five children in a bathtub."

    Milton Oberst Cashier

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close