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Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

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The Anti-Abortion Campaign

Bush's signing of the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act was a political triumph for the movement to curtail abortions in the U.S. What do you think?
  • "They've got God on their side. All we've got is science and reason."

    Dawn Hulsey
    Talent Director
  • "Is it just me, or have national politics been sorta veering to the right a little since Bush was elected?"

    Todd Delrio
    Painter
  • "Before I make a decision on abortion, I'll have to review the made-for-TV movies on the topic."

    Johnny Baron
    Order Filler
  • "Why can't more American women be like Jessica Lynch? What do you mean, what do I mean?"

    Frank Eldridge
    Systems Analyst
  • "I don't think that people should play God—unless it's in a cute way, in a Sunday-school gymnasium."

    Lillian Knighton
    Mathematician
  • "As an investor in back-alley real estate and wire-hanger futures, I say, 'Whoo-hoo!'"

    Phillip Krantz
    Investor

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