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The Anti-SUV Movement

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Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Anti-SUV Movement

Decried as gas-guzzling road hazards, SUVs are also under fire for supporting terrorism by increasing U.S. dependence on Mideast oil. What do you think?
  • "But what if I need my SUV for sporting or utilitating?"

    Carl Davis
    Roofer
  • "I'm sorry, but I simply don't buy your argument that SUVs indirectly put my dollars into the hands of al-Qaeda via the Saudis. My Explorer is so comfortable!"

    Christine Watros
    Homemaker
  • "Yes, the average U.S. automobile has doubled in weight since 1990, but so has the average U.S. citizen."

    Amy Benton
    Teacher
  • "I just feel bad for the SUVs, forced to live all cooped up in the city like that."

    Franklin Lowe
    Systems Analyst
  • "Yesterday, I flipped off a guy who was driving an SUV. See, I'm doing my part to save the world."

    David Orr
    Custodian
  • "My purchase of a Hummer was inspired by our 1991 Gulf War victory. After this war, I'm buying an aircraft carrier."

    John Kelleher
    Lawyer

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