The Anti-SUV Movement

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Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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The Anti-SUV Movement

Decried as gas-guzzling road hazards, SUVs are also under fire for supporting terrorism by increasing U.S. dependence on Mideast oil. What do you think?
  • "But what if I need my SUV for sporting or utilitating?"

    Carl Davis
    Roofer
  • "I'm sorry, but I simply don't buy your argument that SUVs indirectly put my dollars into the hands of al-Qaeda via the Saudis. My Explorer is so comfortable!"

    Christine Watros
    Homemaker
  • "Yes, the average U.S. automobile has doubled in weight since 1990, but so has the average U.S. citizen."

    Amy Benton
    Teacher
  • "I just feel bad for the SUVs, forced to live all cooped up in the city like that."

    Franklin Lowe
    Systems Analyst
  • "Yesterday, I flipped off a guy who was driving an SUV. See, I'm doing my part to save the world."

    David Orr
    Custodian
  • "My purchase of a Hummer was inspired by our 1991 Gulf War victory. After this war, I'm buying an aircraft carrier."

    John Kelleher
    Lawyer