adBlockCheck

Recent News

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Arrival Of Digital Television

Digital television is being touted as the next big big breakthrough in home-entertainment technology, offering viewers hundreds of channels without a satellite dish. What do you think?
  • "Great! Now I can have CD-quality sound and a crystal-clear picture for my SeaQuest reruns."

    Victor Ryan Legal Secretary
  • "Speaking of which, don't go into the bathroom. I just laid some high-quality cable of my own in there."

    Robert Thon Salesman
  • "I have long wondered what treasures lie beyond Channel 117, and soon I shall find out."

    Marci Howe Violinist
  • "If I don't need a roof-mounted satellite dish any more, how will my neighbors know that I have 300 channels?"

    Matt Cedeño Caterer
  • "It's about time. There hasn't been a major technological advance in this country in weeks."

    Christine Cruz Systems Analyst
  • "I liked TV better back when there were only a couple of channels, and you had to watch Barney Miller."

    Stephen Richard Electrician

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close